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Message - 10/06/24

I have been feeling somewhat... strange lately. Today I realized I'm going through some anhedonia-like state. I don't have depression (99.9% confirmed, i used to), but recently I got diagnosed with Executive Function Disorder (I think), and started taking meds which worked great.

I think the cause of this personal situation right now is rather technical. I have noticed my interactions with the surrounding world being somewhat 'off', but yet I'm doing well.

Maybe some things are changing and that makes my 'system' [Note: not DID related.] alert and even 'angry'. I have been feeling quite angry with my surrounding world and with what it used to be, up to a few months ago. Insatisfaction is trying to consume me, I guess.

Feeling like my hobby projects are useless and that really drains my motivation, that people around me are minimally interested in my existence (which, well, could make sense but still feels extremely rude... at least to me.); The career I'm currently pursuing (trying to) is IT related, and I like a lot about it. But I also hate much of it, which has made me question what to do with it in that regard. Feeling awful about all the 'relationship, self image, connections' stuff, which I guess shouldn't be that bleak but for some reason is. Currently looking at life with contempt, even a bit of rebuff. And I feel it is a little "unfair" towards life (which I usually conflate with Nature). But I guess it's fine anyway.

I don't know what use this post might be for any who read it. I hope it might be relevant for someone out there, just for the sake of being constructive.

~

[Redacted] - 07/30/24

[Redacted]

New Entry - 07/27/24

Hi there!